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hi friends! sorry for the month long absence…we’ve had a lot going on. and unfortunately a lot of it hasn’t been good things. and to be honest, i just haven’t had much motivation in sitting down and writing something for you all because, well, i’m just not feeling very happy or positive right now. in fact, i’m really just sad. like really really super sad. in fact, i’ve been dreading writing this update because i knew that i would be crying the entire time. and for the record, i am.

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ok, here it goes. i’m going to try to get this out {and i’ll apologize in advance if this doesn’t make sense, or if i stray off topic, or if i just end up posting a bunch of pictures of my sweet boy – i don’t really know where this is going to go}. it all started a when we got back from raleigh. adam drove down to chicago to pick up gruber and bring him back home. we were so excited to have him back because of course we missed him like crazy. the twins were probably the most excited since “buber” seems to be their favorite thing in the whole world lately. fair warning: this is about to get a little graphic: gruber started having some digestive issues as soon as he got back to toronto. at first we thought it was just stress {he’s a very sensitive dog} from being away from us for 7 weeks, but then it started getting progressively worse. he began having accidents in the house and wasn’t able to hold it for very long. his energy level started getting lower, and we just knew something was off. we were hoping {and thinking} that he had some kind of virus or parasite, or something easily fixable like that. after some blood work and a stool sample though, we knew that the answer wasn’t that simple. we met with a specialist who was pretty sure he had ibd {irritable bowel disease} and we also felt confident that’s what he has as well – and for the record, he does have that. since that’s what we were thinking the doctor wanted to do x-rays and ultrasound {to try to rule out any cancerous masses} as well as two endoscopies {one upper, one lower}. after the x-ray and ultrasound came back negative we were feeling pretty good and confident that this was something that although may require some life-long changes, would be totally manageable and not really life altering in any way.

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we nervously waited all morning for the doctor to perform the two endoscopies and relay to us what he found, but honestly i wasn’t feeling too worried at that point. unfortunately though, the doctor called with the worst news possible. he found what he suspects is a tumor. he biopsied it and we’d have to wait until thursday {today} for the results. we immediately had a ton of questions so as we prepared to pick him up we started making a list of everything we wanted to ask – what type of cancer is it? how do we treat it? what would the rest of his life look like? how long would the rest of his life be? {in my head i was thinking, ok – there’s one 5cm tumor, we’ll cut it out, give him some chemo/radiation/whatever needs to be done, he’ll be cancer free, and we’ll all live happily ever after for many years to come.} now before i go any further i just want to say that this vet was beyond amazing – he took so much time to talk with us and although he was very blunt and didn’t sugarcoat anything, he also didn’t give us false hope {which would only mean more devastation later}. as far as what type of cancer – we had to wait for the biopsy to know for sure, but he suspected lymphoma. the only way to treat it is with 12 weeks of chemo. the life expectancy with chemo is 10-12 months. months. not years. at this point, i lost it. i was so unprepared for that. what do you mean i only get up to a year with my precious baby? my first. the one who saw me through an engagement and danced with me at my wedding {yes, gruber came to the wedding…see pic below}.

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the one who sat by my side every day of my scary pregnancy. laid at the end of the couch as i sat on bed rest month after month. the one who saw us through move after move, who’s been on endless road trips with us, who snowshoed with me when i was secretly pregnant on our ski trip with my husband’s family. the one who’s been more patient than we could ever imagine, and who’s loved us all unconditionally. he’s seen me at my best, and also at my very worst. he’s loved me when i didn’t deserve it and especially when i needed it. guys, i don’t know how to say this other than i was just feeling truly heartbroken. it may sound totally weird to some of you, but besides adam, gruber really is my best friend and i don’t know what i’d do without him.

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as far as what he really has {we got the biopsy results back yesterday} – he has ….

severe irritable bowel disease. this will mean lifelong meds and a special diet. oh and that tumor that the doctor saw…it was a blood clot! an effing blood clot!!!! {which by the way the doctor had told us when we met with him that it wasn’t a blood clot because he couldn’t pull it away from the lining of the intestine}. the severe ibd is a bit of a bummer, but whatever – lifelong meds and what i’m sure is a costly diet, is a small price to pay for more years with my baby. i feel a little angry that the doctor put us through all of this and made us think that we were losing our sweet boy. but then at the same time i’m just so happy that it’s not cancer that i don’t even really care about anything else. honestly i don’t even know how i feel right now. all i know is that i can’t stop snuggling gruber. and that i’m so glad i’ll get to have many many more snuggles with him!

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for all of you that have reached out on instagram – thank you so much! your words have been so comforting and have meant so much to me. this community really is something amazing and i’m so grateful for you all!

IMG_0251^^ ps. i snapped this pic yesterday morning while i was waiting for the doctor to call. the twins are watching their favorite show and gruber is right there in the middle of it all. he is such an amazing brother to them. the love and patience he shows all of us is unconditional and we’re so lucky to have him!

pps. you guys probably think i’m a crazy dog lady now. that’s ok though. because i am. gruber is my first child and i love him just like any other family member!

4 Comments on GRUBER!

  1. Cristin
    April 1, 2016 at 1:36 pm (2 years ago)

    Awwwww!!!! So happy he’s ok!!!!!??????????????????

    Reply
    • tessengleson@yahoo.com
      April 3, 2016 at 8:04 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you, Cristin!!

      Reply
  2. Susan
    April 1, 2016 at 2:16 pm (2 years ago)

    So happy for Gruber and his family?

    Reply
    • tessengleson@yahoo.com
      April 3, 2016 at 8:05 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks, Susan! 🙂

      Reply

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